I recently read an article that broke my heart. Actually, it did a lot more than that. It produced in me a revulsion that erupted out of my core and spurned me to both repentance and anger. 

In her article published last month, Is the evangelical view of sex at the root of our sex scandals?, author Sheila Wray Gregoire posits that the root of so many high-profile sex scandals involving Christian leaders may have more to do with a faulty evangelical view of sex than it does the pressures that come with Christian celebrity status. 

Gregoire quotes from a number of best-selling Christian books on sex to show that some of the most influential voices in the evangelical world teach that lust is normal and even natural for men and that it is women's job to fix this. Some of the examples could be explained away by poor wording or a bit of sloppy thought. However, after reading example after example, I begin to believe Gregoire is right. There is a great deal of rot in the typical evangelical view of sex and it is hurting a lot of people. 

Perhaps nowhere is this more evident than in this excerpt: 

In one of the most degrading choices of words ever made, "Every Man's Battle" tells women: "Once he tells you he's (quitting lust) cold turkey, be like a merciful vial of methadone for him." Proving the metaphor was deliberate, the authors repeat it: "Your wife can be a methadone-like fix when your temperature is rising." No talk of intimacy or dignity; she is simply a "methadone-like fix." 

Since male sexuality hinges on objectification of women, the best couples can hope for, apparently, is that he objectifies only one woman: the one he married. By getting his fill with his sanctioned option, he can withstand the more alluring ones.

I confess that I once thought about marital sex this way. I came into marriage approaching sex more as a right than a beautiful dance between two partners in love. I have written in the past that while I truly loved my wife, I didn't know how to love her well. It wasn't until I attended a week-long seminar exploring a teaching known as Theology of the Body that my views on sex were radically and irreversibly altered. I came home from that conference and apologized to my wife for objectifying her and for my blind selfishness regarding sexual intimacy. We have been walking together—and dancing—differently ever since.

I share this article with you because the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit is committed to presenting a better, godlier story about sex than what has been described by this author. To borrow from our opening plenary speaker at our upcoming summit, Dr. Juli Slattery, we must know the Biblical story of God's design for sex, live out, and share our story with others. Helping the Church share a more vibrant, life-giving, and theologically accurate narrative on sexuality is at the heart of our vision: Churches proclaiming and living out Gospel-centered sexuality. 

If you, too, share this vision, join us in San Antonio from April 29-May 1. Over 130 people are already registered, with more signing up every day. I invite you to visit our website which has been updated with the full summit schedule, as well as speaker and session details: sexualintegrityleaders.com 

I need to add a note of caution: while I do not recommend the books referenced in the article, neither do I recommend the author's own book on the topic. I have not read it, but I have heard from a colleague familiar with it that it, too, has some problematic suggestions and ideas. The truth is that all of us have work to do in understanding this better. I believe we can do that better together than on our own. That's what the summit and our expanding work is all about. 

Yours in Christ,

Daniel Weiss
Executive Director of SILS